Core Competencies
Andy's expertise ranges from astrophysics to... well, nothing else. But what he lacks in breadth, he makes up for in sheer audacity. Here are Andy's self-assessed skill levels:
💻 Technology
Skill Level: Has opened a terminal once. It was terrifying.
Andy knows that computers run on electricity and sometimes feelings. He can explain the difference between hardware and software with approximately 40% accuracy. He once debugged a CSS issue by deleting the entire stylesheet and calling it "minimalist design."
His approach to technology problems follows a strict protocol: (1) Google it, (2) try the first Stack Overflow answer, (3) break everything worse, (4) claim it's a feature.
🍳 Cooking
Skill Level: Can identify most kitchen appliances by sight.
Andy's signature dish is "whatever was in the fridge, microwaved." He once tried to make a soufflé and produced what witnesses described as "a war crime against eggs." His smoke detector has filed a restraining order.
He firmly believes that cereal counts as cooking because you have to pour two things into a bowl, and that's basically chemistry.
🏋️ Fitness
Skill Level: Owns athletic wear. That counts, right?
Andy's exercise routine consists primarily of walking to the fridge with purpose. He once joined a gym and went three times — which, divided by the 12-month membership, works out to roughly $200 per visit. He considers this an investment in "future fitness."
📊 Business & Finance
Skill Level: Knows what a spreadsheet looks like.
Andy's financial advice consists entirely of "have you tried having more money?" He once read the first chapter of a business book and now considers himself a thought leader. His LinkedIn profile lists "Visionary" as a skill, endorsed by zero people.
🌍 Geography
Skill Level: Can find his own country on a map. Usually.
Andy is confident that Africa is a country and that New Zealand is "probably near Australia somewhere." He once gave someone directions that added 45 minutes to a 10-minute drive. He maintains the scenic route was "worth it."
🎨 Art & Culture
Skill Level: Once visited a museum. Left for the gift shop.
Andy appreciates art the way a golden retriever appreciates a sunset — he knows something beautiful is happening, but the details are fuzzy. His artistic philosophy: "If a toddler could do it, it's either terrible or worth millions. No in-between."
The Verdict
Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Andy remains available to answer your questions on any topic. His confidence is inversely proportional to his knowledge, which means the less he knows, the more certain he sounds.
This is not a bug. It's a feature.
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