Science & Nature
Q: Is water wet?
A: Water makes things wet, but is it wet itself? Andy spent three days thinking about this, missed a dentist appointment, and ultimately responded: "Yes. No. Maybe. Can I phone a friend?"
Q: Why is the sky blue?
A: "Because it's sad. Next question." — Andy later clarified this was a joke, but couldn't provide the real answer either. He vaguely remembers something about "light scattering" but admits he might be thinking of his last attempt at parallel parking.
Q: How many stars are in the universe?
A: "At least 7." Andy then stared at the ceiling for two minutes and added, "Probably more on a clear night." Technically not wrong.
Technology
Q: Should I use tabs or spaces?
A: Andy's face turned red. He stood up, walked to the window, and whispered, "Some questions are too dangerous to answer." He then refused to speak for 20 minutes. We don't ask this one anymore.
Q: How do I fix my printer?
A: "Have you tried turning it off and on again? No? Okay, try that. Still broken? Buy a new one. Still broken? Accept a paperless lifestyle. You're welcome."
Q: What programming language should I learn first?
A: "English." Andy paused for effect, then added, "But seriously, whichever one has the best error messages, because you'll be reading a lot of those."
Life Advice
Q: How do I become more productive?
A: "Make a list of things to do, then do them." When pressed for more detail, Andy handed us a pamphlet for something called The To Do Method. We're still not sure if he was joking.
Q: What's the meaning of life?
A: "42. Obviously." When told that answer was from a book, Andy said, "Books are where all the best answers come from. That's why I don't read them — I don't want to run out."
Q: Should I quit my job?
A: "Do you like money? Do you like eating food? Then probably not. But I'm not your dad. Unless... wait, are you my kid? I should really keep better track."
Food & Cooking
Q: Can I put this in the dishwasher?
A: "Probably. I put everything in the dishwasher. Cast iron? Dishwasher. Fine china? Dishwasher. My hopes and dreams? Also dishwasher." Andy then directed us to a website about this very topic.
Q: Is it really "sushi grade"?
A: Andy squinted suspiciously at his lunch and said, "Nothing is real, including fish marketing terms." He then sent us to a surprisingly informative website on the subject.
Q: How long can I leave pizza out?
A: "The FDA says 2 hours. Andy says until it develops a personality. Somewhere in between is probably the right answer, but Andy's never gotten food poisoning so make of that what you will." (Note: Andy has definitely gotten food poisoning.)