Free Tier
$0/mo
- 1 question per month
- Answer within 3-5 business years
- 50% chance of being ignored
- Response may just be "lol"
- No guarantee of relevance
⭐ Pro Tier
$5/mo
- 5 questions per month
- Answer within 1-2 business weeks
- Only 25% chance of being ignored
- Answers contain actual words
- Andy will pretend to think first
- Includes a "hmm, good question"
Enterprise
$∞/mo
- Unlimited questions
- Andy moves into your office
- Answers before you even ask
- Answers are still wrong
- Includes motivational sighing
- Free coffee (Andy drinks it all)
Frequently Asked Pricing Questions
Q: Why would I pay for this?
A: Great question. We're still trying to figure that out ourselves. But some people pay for ASMR videos of people whispering about sandwiches, so really, anything goes.
Q: Is there a money-back guarantee?
A: Andy guarantees you'll get an answer. He does not guarantee you'll want it. Refunds are available in the form of a slightly more apologetic second answer.
Q: What payment methods do you accept?
A: GitHub Sponsors, compliments, and homemade cookies. Andy also accepts "exposure" but only the kind that comes with SPF 50.
Q: Can I negotiate the price?
A: You can try. Andy's negotiation style involves staring at you until you feel uncomfortable and agree to his terms. It's surprisingly effective.
The Fine Print
All prices are made up. Andy is not a licensed anything. Answers may cause confusion, mild amusement, or existential dread. By subscribing, you acknowledge that Andy will use your money primarily for snacks. No animals were harmed in the making of these pricing tiers, though Andy's dignity took a hit. Past performance is not indicative of future results. Future results are not indicative of anything, really. If you experience answers lasting longer than 4 hours, consult a real professional.